Jul 15, 2022
The Unimaginably Toxic and Harmful Nature of the Rage and Sorrow of Many Modern White Males
What limited options remain to turn us away from what looks like another inevitable conflict?
Warning: while attempting to say something impossible in this article I may have instead said something incomprehensible.
Sometimes I listen to Linkin Park, or Audioslave, and I think about killing myself. I think about killing myself because I’ve thought about it for a long time. It’s there because for as long as I can remember that compulsion has been a part of me —but also it’s there because Chester Bennington and Chris Cornell killed themselves and I think about them when I hear them sing. They’re right in my mind when I listen to their music and their music has a lot of undertones, vibes, or lyrics that can inspire thoughts of self harm.
Trigger warning for the above paragraph I guess. (Edit: I’m not suicidal. I just formed a habit around thoughts of ending my life back when I was more suicidal.)
It seems impossible to have this conversation without speaking in some generalizations. You will probably get offended at my imprecise language — if that hasn’t happened already — and I apologize for that. I also use some offensive language — which is a reasonable thing to find offensive—so I’m sorry about that too.
I check off a lot of “white guy on the internet” boxes. I also think I’m fucking awesome (and incomprehensibly flawed) so I don’t really feel a whole lot of shame about being a white dude. I get where I came from, I do what I can, and I understand that it’s not enough. This seems to earn me the good graces of most individuals I’ve met who are representative of demographics which have been harmed by white folks. Also I’m friendly and nice and competent and shit.
That goes a long fucking way let me tell you.
I definitely see how I could be acting differently based on who I am and where I’ve come from which would make me a lot less palatable to a whole lot of other folks. I’m the type of person who doesn’t really wanna inspire those types of reactions in other folks so I’m pretty comfortable doing what I can to accommodate folks in their requests and needs if possible.
I watch a lot of white guys get angry and engage in the Culture War in ways that look like — if it were me and I were being honest — would be deliberate and with the intent to maintain and exacerbate social conflict in order to find an outlet for a bunch of misdirected rage. I spent years acting like this online.
You should see the trail of destruction I left in the World of Warcraft servers
On the Intellectual Dark Web
I tend to avoid the Intellectual Dark Web because it seems to me that it’s the memeplex where I would go to enable and manifest the most toxic aspects of my personality. I recognize that it may not be the outcome I’d intend and that this harmful outcome could easily be fueled by my very real and valid feelings of anger or resentment at the world (all feelings are real and valid).
That doesn’t mean that everyone in IDW-related spaces is behaving in a toxic way. There’s plenty of awesome folks in those communities. What I’m saying is that the community is built around something that inspires the growth of the type of thought that often triggers the worst in me. I suspect the negative thoughts and individuals I’d encounter in IDW-related spaces would be detrimental to my intended path through life.
I would have been an incel if incels were a thing in the 90s
There’s definitely a correlation between JBP fans and incels. I’m not a fan of Dr. Jordan Peterson because I never encountered his work through my social circles and the ads for it weren’t compelling enough. He’s had some thoughts I agree with about myth and sensemaking (though I was very late to the party) and he’s had some thoughts and said some things that I’ve disagreed with about culture. It seems like I can more effectively find something like the support he offers without the challenge and troubles of the cultural baggage associated with his brand. Most importantly I worked through the stuff he would have helped me work through in a different way a long time ago (my early 20s were 20 years ago). While I respect the positive impact he’s had on many people my lived experience has given me the impression that the way I’d be if I’d followed his path would be less preferable to me than where I am now. Whether this is true or not is, of course, unknowable.
This isn’t intended to be judgement because I don’t think there’s a right answer here for everyone anyway.
I work really hard to be atribal (not anti-tribal) so not being a fan doesn’t mean I don’t see value in his approach or examples of where it’s worked. That stuff exists if you consider him and his audience with even the basest amount of human empathy — even while recognizing that his front of the Culture War has perhaps been harmful to you or your front of the Culture War — so I’m sure you see it too if you want to. You don’t have to though — same as how they don’t have to. It’s as valid for his detractors to reject and exclude him based on any combination of his views and behaviour as it is for him and his followers to do to them and some combination of both groups is all over this shit. His increased (and escalating) participation in the Culture War over the past little while makes this a lot more challenging — and also feels disappointing because it seems like this wasn’t where he was originally headed. This viewpoint is one I’ve adopted after having read and heard a bunch of detailed analysis of his work.
FYI the Culture War is a multi-dimensional social conflict that no one has consented to which is sustained and amplified through corporate interests — including the interests of individuals behaving as corporations.
I know plenty of folks who have found lots of value and meaning in his work and words and I don’t begrudge them the hard-won success they’ve achieved in this incredibly challenging world. I would suggest to anyone who does begrudge them their victories that they re-assess the level of conflict they want to hold in their hearts and bring into their lives. But hey — you do you.
I don’t wanna go around judging those folks as a result of the behaviour of the harmful or toxic members of their communities — in my opinion that’s pretty much the opposite of being inclusive and progressive — but it’s important to acknowledge and understand the toxic members of the community because they definitely exist.
Fortunately I’m able to do this by analyzing the shitty bits about myself that I can see as having been amplified in similar ways to what I’m seeing from that community.
It’s very easy to be white, male, and resentful (whether you feel they should or not)
Here’s the thing: It’s actually really easy to be anyone and resentful right now. Basically everyone has pretty much the shittiest end of whatever stick they’re holding (if they’re lucky enough to even have a stick to hold and not be bludgeoned with). We don’t wanna acknowledge everyone elses shitty sticks though because we’re worried that means they’ll get their shit sorted out first — or that they’ll somehow take advantage of us as a result of our “weakness” for foolishly noticing their shitty sticks— because we instinctively view this type of problem as a zero sum one. We instinctively view this situation as requiring winners or losers and we’re terrified we’ll be the losers, or are the losers, so we often intuitively or instinctively behave in ways designed to limit connections with others. In times of increased hardship connections that require extra energy are a liability.
I wrote a poem about the first time people better than you or I (no offence) had to overcome this:
We’re mostly all doing similar things in similar conditions — we all face many of the same challenges. This is pretty straightforward and understandable but it’s hard to understand because we don’t want to understand it because understanding it costs us something and we worry it gets us nothing.
What is also straightforward and understandable is that the people who have been oppressed by white males throughout the overwhelming majority of western civilization are way less willing to cut white males any slack now during this time of hardship — in large part owing to the evident failure of white males to serve as competent stewards for our shared civilization (a role no one asked them to do and which they didn’t do equally everywhere) — which increases the levels of defensiveness, aggression, or suspicion arising from white males.
If acknowledging the problem is done in a way which can only exacerbate it the only conceivable outcome is disaster.
This is different in parts of the world where there are no white males but the theme is often still evident: lower-status elites who are capable of being excluded will be excluded — sometimes as a proxy for the actual elites who have the actual power. This is usually white people when white people are present though because white people have done the best job of moving through the world in ways intended to grow, sustain, and promote their elite status.
“Stop being so aggressive!” they aggressively shouted.
The only way we get out of this is together. It’s fucking obvious. It’s also fucking obvious that we won’t all get out of this. I’m not sure what you do with this information but I use it to try not to make shit harder for other people — even the people I disagree with.
If you live in the US your problem isn’t voters on The Other Side™. First of all: that’s not your problem because you’ve made a mistake and you’re wrong. But also: it’s not a problem because it can’t be viewed as a problem. That’s an unsolvable problem. Focus on what you can solve and do it in ways that are least likely to cause harm. Your neighbors are not your enemy. The people telling them you’re their enemy are your enemy. The people telling you your neighbors are the enemy are your enemy.
Wherein I go real fucking hard at my own side, by Jove!
I’m so fucking disgusted with all the progressives out there who are only in it to tear shit down — and the other progressives who manipulate those ones for personal benefit. Look at where that’s gotten us. What have we really torn down? It looks like the established fruits of progressive efforts are the main thing modern progressive efforts have torn down. What have we raised up other than a more suspicious, angry, and enraged foe?
It makes me so angry. It makes me want to attack them. It brings out the shit in me that I’ve spent years working on. The shit about myself I’ve never been able to adequately resolve, the optimal solution to which appears to be the complete abandonment of my presence on social media platforms.
This isn’t rational and it’s not just me.
White male rage
I get angry and then I feel shame about my anger unless I handle my anger in a healthy way. What I’ve just described is the most progress I’ve been able to make thus far in this journey despite having been working on it for decades, and with a variety of competent and caring mental health support. Honestly I reached this point a long, long time ago and now my life is just about managing my angry reactions in order to prevent the unhealthy manifestation of natural emotions. I used to think that was a failure. Now I mostly just accept that all I can really control is my reaction to things — if I’m lucky.
Protip: don’t be a fucking ass about apologizing when you fuck up.
I had to stop believing I could do a whole lot better than this (which to be clear still places me in a relatively stable and healthy position with the least amount of anger I’ve ever displayed while also being under the most stress I’ve ever experienced), otherwise that belief would result in unhealthy feelings and behaviours.
Self Destruction as a Solution (SDaS)
Stats seem to show that there’s a whole lot of people all over the world who share my views about self-harm. Many of them are white men like me. I don’t know enough about how my mind and body work to really understand how and why it’s all in there, I just know that I feel it within myself and I see it when I look at people like me.
Part of it is because I’ve evolved to do things that I don’t need to be doing anymore. Part of it is because I haven’t evolved to do the things I need to do to integrate with the world in a healthy way.
There’s a tension here that’s really hard to resolve, and it’s also a tension that doesn’t inspire a lot of empathy from folks who don’t feel it. Oh no, the white guys are sad and angry.
Well fuck… look at all the horrible shit done by angry white guys throughout history. Maybe responding to the efforts being made by white men to express their sadness and anger with disdain and contempt isn’t going to bring us all to a mutually beneficial and collaborative solution? This isn’t about showing empathy for oppressors, this is about showing empathy for different types of victims of an oppressive system.
At the very least, yelling at a sad person with inconvenient feelings instead of acknowledging and discussing them feels like something the patriarchy would do. Is it only acceptable when we do this to a member of the patriarchy?
I bet Jordan Peterson thinks seriously about calling a crusade
He believes that progressives are attacking him with a religious fervor. Also, I dunno if you’ve noticed, but some progressives attack him with a religious fervor. A religious crusade can be viewed as the logical response to an attack of a pseudo-religious nature like what he feels he’s facing.
He’s been laying the groundwork for some sort of resurgence of the patriarchy, although a modern one more aligned with the patriarchal values he espouses which many of his followers support and adhere to, and he’s going to succeed unless he fucks it all up by making foolish decisions for ignorant reasons. One way he could fuck it up is by fooling himself and drinking his own Kool-Aid. This can happen as a result of what’s called audience capture and is discussed at length when the Rebel Wisdom content I shared earlier.
I’m down with a modern patriarchy. The patriarchy isn’t going away. That’s not how the world will work. The patriarchy must diminish in scope and influence because that’s what people want, but it’ll still be around because lots of people find value in doing things that way. I hope the new one fucks things up less than the old one. I will, as always, be out here doing my own weird thing and watching with interest.
If you want him to go away you’re setting yourself up for the most obvious of disappointments. If you want him to somehow lead a large group of people in a populist uprising you’re also in for the most obvious of disappointments. His audience is limited in pretty evident and rigid ways and there are obviously a bunch of people who will only ever be opposed to doing things the way he wants to see them done. That doesn’t mean his audience isn’t important. They deserve to be happy. When he’s at his best Dr. Peterson operates in service to that outcome and leads them towards satisfaction with their lives in ways that are healthy and meaningful.
When he’s at his worst he picks fights for attention because he gets pissed off at shit he can’t control and doesn’t know how to solve (because he’s not supposed to solve it).
I’m thinking about calling a crusade too
I’m not really sure what a Helpful Crusade would look like but I bet it would be an interesting thought experiment.
We need a shitpile of people building sustainable infrastructure in harsh environments in order to house all the climate refugees we’ll see in the coming decades (It’ll have to be harsh environments because that’s probably all the rest of us will give up to them)
We need people to fight the fires in the arctic.
We need people to work on sustainable farms in order to heal our planet and provide enough food for everyone.
We need people to take over the corporations and save us from them.
